No wonder its my favorite movie

Fight club

yeah make judgments now...

lets move on now shall we.

I'm really nervous. Tuesday i'm going to take my state board again and I cant help but be extremely scared on the what ifs. what if I dont pass again. but lets not think of that again...
I was looking online and found some pictures that made me a bit sad. Lately I seem to be feeling really old. I mean I know 20 is like nothing but my current place in life has me surrounded by kids that talk about how they're getting into music that i was listening to about 7 or 8 years ago. that and i feel like my life is winding down and i've never really lived it. All of my friends have lives. Some work some are married and with kids. way to much reality for me right now. everyone is so damn grown up. Now lets go back to me. My clock is winding down to an unknown for me. by this time next year I'll have been several months into a new life that i'm not even sure I want. Not just another time zone but another fucking country, language and economic system. And I'm left here, utterly unexperienced pretending everything is okay and trying to make everyone happy. I just realized that ive never really gotten to make a desicion for my self. I mean even down to the hair. The first time I dyed it I wanted all blue. Mother said no and ended up giving me blue streaks. And now several years later i end up with a red streak that I never wanted and im not even sure i like it.
now back to the title. Sometimes I wish I had a Tyler. I sure as hell am a Jack.

I love that movie because the main character (psychotic as it is) escapes the daily monotony to become something much more. Okay maybe not so much the terrorist view but still. I wish i had somewhere or something i could use to take out all my aggression.
maybe I should take kickboxing...
I wonder if I'll ever find someone as fucked up as I am. My Carla. And if I do... It might not be pretty.