I wonder why i try

I hate the holidays. Sometimes I wonder why I even try. I have to make nice with people that dont even like me. That i dont even like to begin with. So I'm adult now (for about over 2 years now but aperantly I just realized this) and this means that i have resposibilities, a job and not to mention a christmas list that only seems to be getting longer by the minute. I wonder why i feel this way. I need to get everyone an apropriate gift even though it wont be apreciated by the recievers and i'll probably be yelled at later in the week by said people. Fuck it seems like it doesnt really matter anymore. But so far the list goes like this:

My mom (something good cause she's extra sensitive because of the bun in the oven)
My dad (probably something techie)
My 16 year old brother (He hates me so that's gonna be fun)
My cousins (cause i feel bad)
My Friend
My best friend (has to be something good)
I think I should get started no?
Fuck.