I hate family gatherings

Feeling: depressed
Listening to: nothing
Wearing: Jeans, blue tank, my pirate belt.

No matter how self-confident I feel, how self asured, how doesn't give a fuck-punk rock bitch I feel, family gatherings always find a way of knocking me down. and not just low, beyond low, buried deep withing the ground. I try to be myself, be the girl that goes moshing every other weekend. The girl that with broken, bloody nails, a banged up knee and a twisted ankle still went in to mosh because "the mood was just right" but instead I always get transformed into that insecure little 6 yearold that everyone loves to hate.

Its a no win situation. I don't like hanging out with the "adults" because well they're boreing. and I dont fit in with the "kids" because well I'm not cool enough.

I hate it. Yesterday all I got was a "hi"and maybe a damn handshake. My mom got hugs all around, my dad a couple of beers and my brother a really great welcome.

We were at the table and all I could hear was:

"wow Julio you're tall."

"OMG Julio you're so cool"

bla bla bla.

No one even cared what the fuck was going on with me. I could have been choking on my food, and on fire and all they would have done was stare at me for making so much noise.

Then my cousin asked my brother if he skateboarded, surfed, or anything.

he said no.

I wanted to yell out "I skateboard, I play guitar, I do art, I love body modification, I go to shows every other weekend. I exsist Damn it!"

But all that came out was "could you please pass the salt?"

I hate myself so much sometimes.

Sometimes I have this fantasy where I'll be discovered for one of my (non exsistant) tallents and be all famous and stuff. Then everyone would be like.

OMG Claudia I didn't know you [blank]!

And I'd be like: Well you never asked.

but sadly thats just a damn fantasy. I'll always be the annoying little kid that would want to tag along with them. They'll never know the real me.